There is no question that I love my wife.  I’ll do anything for her.  Shopping with her is proof.

We enter into the department store.  I search to be useful.  My hunting skills kick in from the time the self-closing doors shut solidly behind me, blocking a quick retreat.

Scanning the area like a seasoned man of the woods, I remember key landmarks to insure that I can find our way out when the mission is accomplished.  We entered through the door next to the sun glasses display.  Adjacent is the Men’s Accessories Department; relatively small but still with large signs that I can spot once I get to the right floor.

Casually, I listen to Yvonne when she rehearses what she is looking forward to finding.  I never rush her.  Instead, I have learned over the years that she needs to relax and enjoy the experience of shopping.  My best approach is to find the department that will best provide the objectives of this shopping foray.

I need to concentrate because the affects of the Kryptonite in the construction of all shopping malls is beginning to drain my super powers.  Thankfully, those who built these mega facilities for women to shop designed safe zones for the male species.  There Kryptonite has limited effect. 

Watch for these special places for superpower respite.  Relief from the relentless draining effect is enough to keep a devoted husband from succumbing to the exhausting rays of that dastardly poison.  They are called chairs.

The shopping mission is complete.  Yvonne has successfully acquired her needed garments.  We check out and now my guiding skills are ready for a successful escape.

First on the list of getting-out-of-here is locating the massive transporter.  Some call them escalators.  This always-in-motion unit is a man’s mechanism that expedite his focused objective for expulsion; a way out!

Whenever I discover and utilize the escalators, I know that we are on our way back to fresh air, open skies and air free from the green rays of Krypton.  Steadily the moving stairs gently lower us to the main floor.  Quietly without any rushing or hurrying that only incite panic, I guide us to the exit that once lock us in.

All of my temporary landmarks make our steps true.  There is no diversion.  We reach our objective, push the door open and the fresh air races in diluting the anti-superman gases.  Freedom!

photo credit: brucefong cellphone photography