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IMG_4275What is a man to do when he takes his beloved shopping and there is a long stay in Cosmetics?  It is time of masculine analysis and testosterone boosted creativity.  Do not panic, do nothing that is rash, speak little and remember these pointers.

First, put yourself in “hunt” mode.  This means that a you must have a fixation on your prey.  God created all men with this capacity.

This means that you must always hunt the wind.  Just as you puff your talc bottle to keep your scent from becoming adversarial you must also steel yourself against the overwhelming fragrances that cloud the Cosmetic Department atmosphere.

If you hold your breath you will pass out.  Concentrate on a distraction.  It is possible to overcome with the right desperate focus.

Second, think of your objective.  It begins with knowing your prey.  What is your intended target.  Fixate on that and never let it go.

Your first priority is to find a chair.  Do not worry.  There are always plenty of seats in the Cosmetic Department.

You have to exert great confidence and certainty.  If the feeling surges that you should not be here, arrest that thought.  Own the place and exude your strength as “unchallengeable.”

I sat in a chair that I selected.  It was in an out-of-the-way part of the foo foo displays.  Few of the fairer sex were in that area.

Once I staked my claim, I felt safe.  Using highly tuned and skillfully trained observation skills, I scanned the area for curiosities.  That is when I felt that unmistakable feeling of being watched.

Every hunter knows the feeling of being hunted.  The hairs on the back of your neck stand up.  Your eyes race back and forth, looking for anything suspicious.

That is when I locked on to the source of my feelings.  Two men in bright red T-shirts were looking me over from 10 yards away.  Their shirts announced that they were in-store security.

The game was afoot.  Never show fear.  Do not move unexpectedly.

My eyes locked on them.  They looked away.  With determination I knew that eye contact was aggression in the woods where wildlife thrives. Here in the domesticated section of the population, this same technique operates on the same plane.

There was nothing else to look at so I bore down on my observers.  Caught, they were uncomfortable.  They melted away in the crowd.  I remained in hunt mode until my bride smiled and had finished her priority business.

photo credit: brucefong photography